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ONCE
THERE WAS A GREMLIN
By Johanan Rakkav (nolad John
Wheeler) |
ONCE THERE WAS A GREMLIN...
This short story is dedicated to all the posters on the
thread found here:
http://www.charlottechurch.net/ubb/Forum26/HTML/000020.html
Once
there was a gremlin (one of the lower-ranking devils) with
too much time on his hands, who decided to visit the studio
where photographs for Sony recording artists are prepared.
Since gremlins always carry a mischief bag with them, he had
no trouble finding a box of crayons intended for marking
photos.
“A
photo of Charlotte Church!” he exclaimed with delight as
he saw a particularly lovely photo, obviously intended to go
on a cover of an upcoming CD. “The little wench! A
‘devilish angel’ indeed, if only her fans knew it!
THIS’LL show them!” And with a flourish, he set about
drawing an occult sign with a black crayon in a hard-to-spot
place, as gremlins are apt to do when no one is looking.
No
human being, that is…
“Here
now, what are you doing?” said a voice.
The
gremlin dropped his crayon, for he knew the voice of an
angel when he heard it (pun intended).
“Who,
ME?”
“Yes,
YOU,” said the angel, who now appeared to the gremlin
(though not to any watching human, had there been any
around) as a man robed in dazzling flame. “What were you
just drawing?”
“Er,
nothing, Sir Michael,” stammered the gremlin. It’s not
every day a gremlin has to face down a covering cherub; that
daunting task is usually reserved for the Prince of Darkness
himself.
“What
is that odd pitchfork I see, black upon a reddish-black
background?”
“Er,
pardon me, but I don’t see anything of the sort.”
“Right
there, under the ‘lo’ in ‘Charlotte’ and over the
‘u’ in ‘Church’. Is this some kind of arcane joke
you’re playing?”
“Well,”
stalled the gremlin, for he saw that he couldn’t dissemble
much longer, “I was just drawing a pitchfork, you see.
Just using it to tease Charlotte by hinting
‘“Charlotte”, you are “lo” because “u” are in
“Church”’…”
“Don’t
even TRY that line with me,” said Michael sharply. “You
know as well as I do that the trident’s a symbol of
Neptune, governor of the astrological sign Pisces, and that
Charlotte’s a Pisces. You’re trying to work some kind of
occult symbolism into her album cover, aren’t you?”
“Well,
so what if I am?” said the gremlin rather defiantly.
“What’s the harm in causing some silly humans with
nothing better to do to argue over some pattern they may or
may not be seeing?”
“If
you have to ask,” said the Archangel, “you’ll never
understand.”
“HAH!”
said the gremlin. “I and my kind have marked up countless
rock and acid jazz albums, and you never lifted a feather to
stop us. What’s so special about this one?”
“I
didn’t come here to argue with you,” said Michael. “I
came here to stop you.”
“Try
and MAKE me,” snarled the gremlin, and grabbed his crayon
in hopes of making more marks before the Great Prince In
Charge Of God’s People knocked him silly.
“LET
THEM SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES, LITTLE ONE,” boomed a
Voice out of Ineffable Glory.
The
gremlin swallowed, for here was one Voice that brooked no
disobedience.
“Okay,
I’m taking out my eraser, see? And I’m removing all this
dirty black wax, see? And if you’ll just let me pack my
bag and head down the road…”
“YES,
WHY DON’T YOU JUST DO THAT?”
The
gremlin needed no further persuasion. No satellite humanity
has ever launched headed round the earth with greater speed.
Michael
sighed. “I suppose the photo’s permanently marred
now.”
“NOT
REALLY. HE WAS JUST DRAWING ON A PATTERN THAT WAS ALREADY
THERE.”
Michael
blinked. “Not to underestimate Your senses, my Lord, but
how can You tell?”
“Use
your false-color vision to increase the contrast where he
was drawing.”
Michael
did so. Between the “lo” in “Charlotte” and the
“u” in Church, there appeared out of reddish-blackness a
network of bright and dark lines.
‘I
THINK IT’S MORE FUN TO EMBED PATTERNS IN NATURE, RATHER
THAN TO ARBITRARILY IMPOSE THEM AFTERWARDS. DON’T YOU
AGREE?”
Michael
blinked. “My Lord, there IS a trident there – sort
of…”
“LOOK
BESIDE IT. WHAT ELSE DO YOU SEE?”
“The
bright areas under the ‘o’?”
“YES.
WHAT DO YOU SEE THERE?”
“A
capital ‘E’…I think.” Michael scratched his head
with a wingtip. “An ITALICIZED capital ‘E’. What could
it mean?”
“TAKE
A LOOK AT THE TITLE OF THE ALBUM, MICHAEL.”
“Ahh…You’ve
already put Your OWN hidden symbols there. One for the
‘Devilish Angel’ herself, and one for her album. Very
clever, my Lord.”
“PRECISELY.
THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED ‘ENCHANTMENT’.”
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(The excerpt from the cover photo of "Enchantment"
was magnified and
ultra-enhanced by Adobe PhotoDeluxe.)
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